


You're Always in the Back of my Mind

by TimeTravelingPirate



Series: You Can Never Escape Your Demons [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek 2009, Star Trek AOS
Genre: Children, F/M, Famine - Freeform, Jim's POV, Lenore's POV, M/M, McSpirk maybe?, Multi, Murder, Survival, Tarsus 9, Tarsus IV, Will update tags, potential child abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 18:05:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13013256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeTravelingPirate/pseuds/TimeTravelingPirate
Summary: Second Installment To Allergies.Lenore Kodos is out for blood. Jim Kirk is forced to go back to Iowa but he's not alone. With threats and betrayal from all sides, can his faith be restore in Star Fleet and his Captaincy, or is death going to take him?





	1. Rebuilding

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” A shrill voice broke through the cacophony of sound as machines beeped, alarms blared and computers crashed. “SHIT!” That shrill voice rang again as slender frame and manicured digits worked diligently to right the wrongs of a crashing network system. The data, what little there was, needed to be salvaged but also have no trace back to the original creator; Lenore Kodos. 

Sweat speckled fullowed brow as she worked to save what she could before taking a drive from the system and pocketing it in loose fitting pants. Seeing that it was a lost cause to block the intruder, no doubt it was Spock, Lenore deleted all traces of her online and digital presence, leaving the Starfleet Officers out to dry before setting the charges to blow up the small compound she resided in. Damn Enterprise crew had tracked the correspondents back to her  _ and _ managed to get a ping on her location. The woman had been so careful about scrambling the origin code and communication but apparently she was no match for the Vulcan master mind who now destroyed her tracking and communication system. She had spent years,  _ years _ working on that set up. All just to track the Tarsus IV survivors who could incriminate her father more than he already was. Her current target had been James T. Kirk. Now, he was her personal vendetta. She should have saved him for last, left him a trail of bodies to let him know that she was coming, but an opportunity had presented itself when she’d manage to recall an important bit of information about the male; his damn allergies. After that, the plan had fallen so perfectly into place that he should have died. A long, long time ago. But Lenore had underestimated the ones closest to him. She knew that she’d never be able to turn them against their captain so she never tried. The others, well, they could be swindled to do her dirty work. Though, if she looked at it from a glass half full, she’d crushed Jim’s faith in humanity and his crew. He may not be dead but she was slowly stripping everything away from him. It was a start. Satisfied that she could salvage all she could, Lenore bolted for the exit before hitting the trigger button. A few seconds later the compound erupted into a ball of fire as she flew away, off planet, to a new home. She’d have to rebuild but that was okay. She’d damaged Kirk enough. Now all she had to do was finish the job.

*

The process of trying to find a new base proved to be trivial. After weeks in space, hopping from station to station, Lenore finally found a place that had been willing to sell her the facility, no questions asked, and supply her with a good amount of equipment. This lab would be nowhere as extravagant as her last outpost but that was fine. Four of the Nine were already dead. There were four more and then Kirk. While Jim was in the wind, Lenore could work on rebuilding and tracking down the remaining Tarsus Kids. She was nothing if not resilient. Her father had taught her that. He may have been a bit crazed in the end but he was smart, cunning, he taught her well, even if he had tried to spare her from the horror of Tarsus IV. You don’t leave family behind.

Dropping the few bags she had, flipping on the massive overhead lights, the dim warehouse flickered to life. It was spacious and empty. Lenore didn’t need much in way of modern conveniences. She could bask in the life of luxury once her mission was complete. Finish her vendetta against Kirk and avenge her father. Simple. She was well on her way to completing the task. It caused a smile to curve her ruby red lips as heels clacked against the concrete floor.

Already, the blonde could see the command center coming together. To the left would be the tracking computers. In the center, a monitor from each section would be in front of her while to the right would be the news, planet and galactic wide, as well as a correspondence terminal. Yes. The equipment would be crude but she didn’t care. Lenore’s thirst for blood outweigh most anything else in life. She better get to work.

*

Days turned into weeks. Relentlessly, the woman worked on setting up her terminals, connecting to the global and galactic network, making a small niche where she could cook and sleep but otherwise spend her time in front of the monitors. Lenore hardly left the compound, devoting all attention to establishing old ties and connections. She had an extensive ‘spy’ network that had believed in Kodos’ ideals. She called them Kodosenites. It was a stupid title but she didn’t care. They were all too willing to help her track the remaining Tarsus 9.

At the one month mark, Lenore finally had a fully operational facility. Terminals were hooked up to their appropriate networks, comms were open, news feed were scrolling across another monitor and a tracking icon was roaming across the alpha quadrant looking for any signs of where Jim Kirk might be. Lenore would have her justice.

*

The new broke just after her system had been completed. It all had been pretty hush hush. Lenore sat cross legged on a chair, eating dinner when she turned up the volume, orbs honing in on the screen.

_ “Breaking news from Star Fleet Headquarters today in San Francisco. An official investigation has been open into the attempted assassination of Star Fleet Captain, James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. It was said that members from the crew had been acting under duress and  blackmail to try and kill their Captain. Star Fleet has yet to release the names of the individuals responsible for such a horrendous act. The crew of the Enterprise  are all being held in detainment facilities until they can all be questioned. The location of Captain Kirk has not been released for fear of more individuals trying to take his life. It’s not clear how far and how deep this assassination ring goes but Jim Kirk is one of the most heroic and decorated Star Fleet Captains. The public would be in arms in the government and authorities were not doing everything in their power to catch the individual or individuals  responsible.” _

The volume muted as the reporter continued to drone on.  _ So they haven’t named names yet. Interesting. They probably think it’s not true, that I’m alive. Figured I’m holded up somewhere. _ Lenore thought to herself as she continued to eat the remainder of her dinner. If the ‘Fleet wasn’t releasing Kirk’s location, she was going to have to get in touch with her contacts to figure out just where he might be. He’d probably stay on earth. Out of the public eye but also easily accessible so that HQ could question him when they needed. Well, that narrows down her options. A wide smirk danced on her features. Until then, she had work to do.

*

Iowa was the last place he wanted to be. There were other places on the Goddamn planet that could serve as a hideout. Not to mention, if Lenore Kodos was really behind these attacks, she’d figure out where he was. The upside? The Farmhouse was his home. If an assault came, he knew how to defend himself. Jim Kirk had the home advantage. Maybe it was a logical play after all. But the question was, the longer he stayed there, how much would his mind deteriorate. He would be trapped in a place that held more bad memories than good. But out in the world, Lenore was gunning for him. Nowhere was safe for Jim Kirk. He was fucked.


	2. Extra Credit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lenore stumbles upon her father's secret. At first, he's outraged, but then a plan starts to form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry updates are so sporadic, but I hope to have a schedule now and update every week or two weeks. Depending on how busy work is. This chapter was un-beta-ed so, all mistakes are my own.

_TARSUS IV. MANY YEARS AGO_

She was only 11 or 12 years old. Her father, Governor Kodos was in charge of a small Terran Colony on Tarsus IV. He was a good man and led his people well. At least, that’s what those who didn’t know him thought. For Lenore, she was privy to the more darker side of her father, even though he did everything in his power to keep that from her. 

Kodos played games, bought her things, let her have the run of the house and the colony as long as she came back before dinner time. Lenore’s father loved her and she loved him. Even if he was a bit twisted in one way or another. She overlooked that because he was the only one left in her life. Her mother having died from a genetic mutation. It’s what’s spurred Kodos to begin his eugenics study, trying to weed out who the alpha males were, so to speak. And in time, Lenore found herself fascinated with the subject as well and spent some of her free time reading up on eugenics and the war. What was it about this topic that had her father so intrigued?

When her father found out she’d been studying in secret, he’d been outraged at first. She’d never seen him so angry, face turning beet red, nearly foaming at the mouth. That was the moment Lenore felt true fear from her father. A fear that those who resided on Tarsus IV would soon come to face. But after she’d been sent to her room, crying and throwing all of the data she’d learned away, her father came to apologize and it was then, that he showed her to the labs.

Wonder filled her as Lenore looked at the hidden science labs. Her father had been skimming money from the Federation to set up this facility and the research, trying to figure out what made humans the best they could be on a genetic level. Lenore couldn’t believe her eyes and soon, Kodos brought her onto the project.

Yes, she was only a child but she had her mother’s smarts. She’d give James T. Kirk a run for his money with how clever she was. The lab techs and researchers had been skeptical at first but with one look from Kodos, they bowed their heads and tucked their tails between their legs. The child found this curious but thought nothing more as she began working.

Weeks were spent underground, throwing herself into the research. It didn’t take Lenore long to catch up with the reset of the scientists.

There were three main experiments in progress simultaneously. The first was a sort of control group, normal cell growth and repopulation of a space. The second was subtracting certain genes while the third was looking at results of adding combined DNA strands to form something else. Lenore liked that group the most because there were so many variables the test out. Some might find that daunting but she found it fascinating.

Weeks turn to months and Lenore and her father worked. Well, Lenore did more of the lab studies, her father was in charge of gathering human test subjects, even if they were far from human trials. He didn’t care. Mind focused on one thing, finding out how humans ticked and how he could erase imperfections. It was all done because he had lost his wife. Kodos didn’t want to experience that pain again. It was when he saw Lenore playing with the other school children that another idea formed in his mind.

 

*

 

Dinner was a quiet affair. PADD rested on the table as Kodos looked at his research. Lenore was silent, sipping her soup. She wasn’t bored, but she missed easy conversations with her dad. He’d become so obsessed with the project, it was all that he thought about.

The girl was just about to finish her dinner when her father spoke. “Tell me about your friends, Lenore. Do you like them?”

Orbs blinked, almost owlishly at him. “Yeah. Why?”

“Are they smart, like you? Do you think they’d like to be apart of the experiment?”

Anger flashed across Lenore’s face. This was the thing she and her dad did. It was special. Just the two of them. No one else needed to join the team. Things were just fine.

“Yeah. I know a few that are smart. One of them is like me, Jim. Why do you want them to join?”

“You’ve impressed me, Lenore. Blown me away. Children are what we need to accelerate this program and find a solution. I want to test the children, too. See how they respond. All of our sample groups have been taken from adult hosts. We need to think outside of the box.”

Silence settled between them as Lenore thought over her father’s proposal. He had a point. All of their samples were from adults. Thanks to the local Doctors, they had an unlimited supply of human DNA to work from. But she was still selfish and wanted to keep these secrets to herself. However, her dad had been proud of her. Finally, she puffed out a breath and nodded. “Yeah. I know some kids who could help. They might even be interested.”

“Tell them it’s an after school program. I’ll set up a sort of mock lab in the house, away from the main one, where you kids can work. I’m trusting you, Lenore, to not let me down. You’re going to be in charge. And above all, you can’t tell them the true purpose of this experiment, okay? Just tell them we’re trying to cure cancer or something.”

“Okay.” She said, quietly. Tomorrow she’d go and talk to her friends. She just hoped they would agree to help.

 

*

 

Lenore liked her friends. The other girls and boys she played with were fun. School was a place where she could just be a kid. The child was still apprehensive about combining those two lives together; The sense of freedom and the duty to please her father. It was with this notion that she approached nine of her friends. All were curious to the request she had proposed. All said yes, thinking it would be a good way to help the human race, maybe even get a few extra credits. The plan was in place and the trials would be set. Kodos called the them Tarsus Nine. They would be the revolutionizing face of his eugenics program.


	3. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock and Jim arrive at the Farmhouse in Iowa. It's the last place Kirk wants to be.

 Gray. Everything was gray, lifeless. Sounds were distant, light was dull, and feelings were nonexistent.

 The front door of the Iowan farmhouse creaked shut. Disuse, no doubt. A soft shuffle of feet before they stopped. Fabric rustled as slender fingers gripped at a well muscled shoulder, reassuring and human gesture that finally stirred Jim from the cacophony of thoughts. His head rose and orbs blinked, as if clearing a fog. He was home. He was home and Spock was with him. Was this really a safe choice, coming back to the farmhouse? Wouldn’t people think to look for him there? Maybe, but the wooden structure held so many dark secrets, so many demons, so many ghosts for Jim, that perhaps it would be overlooked. Jim surely hadn’t enjoyed the thought of staying there, but he needed to be off the radar; he needed to be invisible.

 

For now.

 

“Would you like tea, Jim?” Spock asked, moving around the human statue, picking up the two duffels that had been placed on the floor. The Vulcan laid them at the base of the stairs, going into the kitchen to flip on the breakers. It’d been a long time since the house had been in use.

No answer greeted the question, but that didn’t stop Spock from finding a kettle and turning on the stove. He opted for unreplicated tea. Hopefully, it could warm both of their bones, as sheets of rain fell from the heavens.

Jim moved through the space as if he was underwater; limbs were smooth but slow. Crystal ice hues were vacant, not really seeing or observing, as he made his way to the living room. He paused for a moment, staring at the worn couch. It was where Frank had spent most of his nights. Was that what Jim saw before he fell onto the piece of furniture, back down, feet resting on the arm? No. He didn’t see anything. How could he? Every single thought was caught, captured, tormented from the scars of his past. He had done so well moving on, rebuilding his life, leaving those skeletons buried, but he was Jim Kirk. Nothing was ever hidden for long. His parents were a prime example of that.

Soft feet padded into the living room. Two mugs, freshly washed, were steaming with Vulcan tea. Spock gently pushed Jim’s feet aside, taking a seat for himself. One cup was placed on the end table, while the other was offered to Jim. The blonde blinked slowly, focus drawing from space to the offered dishware. It was another moment before he pushed himself up, fingers curling around the mug. He couldn’t help but notice a slight shiver from Spock as their skin touched, but he didn’t dwell on it. Instead, his focus zeroed in on the steam rising from the boiled liquid. It was warm, red tingeing his skin. Finally, Jim felt something. Maybe life had started to seep back into his zombified state. He wished something would draw him fully out of that depressing hole, but not even the company of his First Officer, his best friend, could draw him from the depths of the void.

A shiver rolled down his spine and Jim took a sip of tea. It burned, warming him from the inside. His voice finally found its way to him.

“Thanks,” he muttered, taking another sip; rejuvenation from the imported tea. Perhaps it could add a splash of vibrancy to the otherwise dismal situation, if only for a moment.

“You are welcome,” the Vulcan replied, voice soft as he took a moment to sip at his own tea.

Silence stretched. It was a yawning chasm so vast that any sound that happened to be nearby was stripped away. Deafening. Neither individual moved, save for the casual rise and fall of arms as tea was sipped. Jim wasn’t sure if Spock wanted to say something, or if he was waiting for Jim to speak. What could the Captain say? They were here, in Iowa, laying low and out of the eyes of the press. He didn’t think Lenore would try and find him here. The ship was the obvious choice, as everyone knew about Captain James T. Kirk. Lenore knew of the troubles that Jim had faced while on Earth. He hoped that she wouldn’t look here, since he had spoken with such disdain toward Frank, the abandonment of his brother, and the workaholic nature of his mother. He hoped that that would be enough to keep her at bay.

“I don’t think she’ll try and look here.” Jim’s words eventually broke through the silence,  voice lacking any emotion. It was cold, robotic, his gaze once again vacant. “But if she can get to the crew, she’ll know that I’m here. We can bet that someone is going to come eventually.”

Movement on the couch caught his attention. Out of the corner of his eye, Jim watched as Spock repositioned himself, angling his body  towards Jim like a barrier.

“No harm will befall you here, I promise you that.”

An empty promise. If his ship, his family, had been infiltrated, why not his childhood home?

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Spock.”

A breath caught in the Vulcan’s chest.

“You know I’m right,” Jim pressed. “Think about it. You can promise to keep me safe, but not even my own ship was safe. It’s only a matter of time.”

 

Silence.

 

Jim set his mug on the ground, not sure what to do, now that his hands were empty.

“Are the demons of your past so devastating that Jim Kirk, the man who survived space, survived war, survived against all odds, is giving up so easily?” There was a hint of disappointment coupled with fire in fiercely spoken words.

Like a coiled spring finally released, Jim leaped to his feet. Features contorted into anger as he rounded on Spock.

“You know that isn’t true, Spock. This is different. She fucking invaded my life, my crew. Everything I thought I knew was ripped from me and dumped on my head. She broke my trust. Whatever fragile trust I gave was shattered into the cosmos. I don’t know what’s left or right, good or bad. How can I know that this,” he gestured between them, “is real and not some farce?”

Just as quickly as it had flared up, the anger ebbed and Jim slouched back down onto the couch. “How can I fight someone I thought was dead? How can I fight my own family?”  Was he referring to his crew or Lenore? Perhaps it was both. Once upon a time, had she not been like a sister to him?

“Would you not fight her like everything else you’ve encountered? Would you not strive to protect what you _do_ know?”

“I don’t know anything anymore, Spock. I interviewed every single member of my crew, I wanted the best of the best. What does that say about me? How could I have missed the signs?”

“You didn’t miss the signs. You thought the issue had died a long time ago. There was no reason to look for danger. You are not at fault, Jim.”

“Maybe I am.”

“Explain.”

A harsh breath passed through his lips before Jim turned to give Spock a flat stare. “I was the one who figured out what was going on. I was the one who suggested we do something about it. I was the one who suggested saving the colony.”

It took a moment before Spock understood what Jim was talking about. Then, he posed another question. “Was that so wrong?”

“Maybe. Maybe more people would have been saved if I hadn’t figured out Kodos’ plan and told the others.”

“Unlikely.”

“You wouldn’t know, Spock. You weren't there,”  Jim laughed bitterly.

“I wasn’t, but I know you. You would never let anyone suffer, if you could do something about it.” Another note of fierceness in evenly spoken words. “You do what you believe to be right, Jim Kirk. You lay your heart, soul, and life on the line so that others may live. You don’t believe in failure. You don’t believe in roadblocks. If something is in your way, you find a way around it. You are like your father: you don’t believe in no-win scenarios.”

It his haste to rebuttal the words of the Captain, Spock found himself leaning forward, mocha orbs alight with determination and passion, as he described the man, the human that he looked up to. A human he respected and, dare he admit to it, cared for.

Jim stilled, staring straight ahead. His breathing was labored, harsh as it whistled past his lips. Spock’s words grated on his ears. He didn’t want to hear them. That wasn’t him. That wasn’t Jim Kirk. He wasn’t a hero, he wasn’t the leader of some greater cause. He couldn’t let himself be that person, and yet, even without intending to, Jim Kirk had become a symbol of hope. He was himself and nothing more. Jim Kirk was a hero, even if he didn’t want to be. People rallied behind him, believed in him, followed him.

Words failed Kirk, yet again. He didn’t know what to say in response. What could he say to that? There was no point in arguing against those words, because Spock, undoubtedly, had logic to back it up. So Jim sighed, effectively ending the conversation, and sipped at his tea. Whatever became of the situation, he would fight to see it resolved. To see Lenore stopped, his crew looked after, and maybe, just maybe, he could find the strength to go back out into the stars. They were his home, the wind beneath his wings. A pang ripped through his chest, a pang of longing. He wanted to go home.

The Enterprise was his home.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a general idea of where I'd like to go with this. Hopefully it will work out. This chapter doesn't have a beta so all mistakes are mine. Sorry!


End file.
